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To Hell With Your Streets Of Gold!
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[22 Nov 2009|03:33pm] |
so there are a few things that have changed in my life that i think everyone back home should know. some of these are recent happenings and some of these are things iv wanted to tell people but haven't fully felt comfortable doing so, but with my moving home i want all this to be out there.
in no particular order
- I don't drink alcohol anymore. and really at this point don't really want to at all. maybe i will again someday, or maybe ill drink some of someones homebrew just to appreciate the creation (havnt done this, but am open to the idea)I don't want this to interfere with my relationships at all, i will still come to your party and hang out all night just like before. If we're ever in that situation and i make a comment about the fact that I don't drink its not me feeling better than you, its me reminding myself of what i really want to do.
- I've gotten really into cuddling with all my friends, thats something we never really did all that much of in frederick, if i ask if you wanna cuddle and that makes you uncomfortable in any way please just say something to me about it.
- As many of you know I'm out about being sexually queer, meaning my romantic or sexual desires are not confined within a hetero normative definition, what only some people know is I'm also gender queer. What does this mean? It means I dont feel like i fit, nor do i want to fit the conventional definitions of boy. I also for a long time have wished I didn't have a penis, I don't really plan on getting surgery for a variety of reasons, but the fact of the matter is I do not identify within my own body. My preferred gender pronouns are they or ze, but i honestly dont mind being called he because I understand that its a weird transition to make with someone you allready know but I would appreciate it to no end if people made an effort.
- I'm going to be living at the hippo house. This is a community space and doesnt belong to any ONE INDIVIDUAL. I dont want this to make any one not want to come over to my house, especially those friends of mine who do not identify as anarchists. Anarchism is part of my identity, its theory and ethics that I beleve in, so veiw the place i reside as my home not a book store but realize a major part of who i am is reflected in where I've chosen to live.
and thats about it that i can think of right now
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[15 Nov 2009|01:30pm] |
i woke up this morning after a very stressful night,
the details of it arent really important, but it was a big reality check
not only in relation to my politics and how i desire to actualize them but how i have let drugs into my life again in a way I wish i never had.
...
but also there are these two really cute people who im seeing at their both awesome.
really into dali right now
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[08 Nov 2009|09:31pm] |
all i do anymore is my school work and party
which is not the life i want to lead
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[30 Oct 2009|01:25am] |
7 weeks till i come home
and having a blast till then
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[25 Oct 2009|11:43pm] |
So I think I'm transfering to goucher,
they have a community service & social justice major i want to get
meaning Ima move to baltimore
meaning... back to maryland
and that makes me really happy
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[25 Oct 2009|03:04am] |
my trip to new york was 90% of the things I wanted it to be
with a whole lot of great things that were completely unprecedented
i didnt see claire the whole time I was there, which sucks
but had a great time anyways
I dont want to go back to asheville
life is so unexciting there
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[21 Oct 2009|12:50am] |
I've decided I'm leaving frederick again on thursday
i've had a great time and want to leave now so i'll miss it more
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[11 Oct 2009|03:56pm] |
i found out my friend evan doesn't hate herself and was confused.
i thought everyone did
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[04 Oct 2009|07:40pm] |
honestly yesterday was all around one of the best days iv had in years
and today i woke up with a hella cold
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[30 Sep 2009|10:46am] |
UGHHHH
there's this boy who used to be something good for me but im not sure anymore
and this girl who was here and now i miss alot and im scared to call her and i know im gonna see her again for a few days in like 2 weeks and possibly be staying with her
and theres some other people who are just like minor things in my life cause im so stressed about these two that im afraid ill ruin things with
and i still love somebody too
i want the full prism of of puma track suits and coordinated O's flatbrims
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Here is the ultimatum of our camp: what can be smashed should be smashed; what will stand the blow is good; what will fly into smithereens is rubbish; at any rate, hit out right and left there will and can be no harm from it.
-Pisarev
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[27 Sep 2009|09:00pm] |
nothing ever burns down by itself
every fire needs a little bit of help
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[21 Sep 2009|08:02pm] |
1. "It's easy to criticize, but really, what do you propose?"
2. "Anyway, you're against everything."
1. Nothing
2. Yes
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[05 Sep 2009|10:15am] |
Being single is weird and fun but falling asleep alone is lonely and cold. I keep getting crushes on just about everyone I see, which is something I've kinda always done and considering the Mountain of Babes I live on its really not all that surprising.I have no idea what I really want in life or how I even define any of the things I feel. But I read this in a Bash Back communique and it registers quite well,
"We have NO sexual orientation, WE ARE PEOPLE OF DESIRE. Our taste is NOT OBJECTIVE because OUR DESIRES ARE NOT STAGNANT..."
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[01 Sep 2009|11:51pm] |
so iv been hanging out alot with this girl i like alot
and now more than once its just kinda been cuddling and watching movies
so like tonight after we spooned and watched spinal tap i did one of those you're really nervous so you spill everything at once in a "ihaveabigcrushonyoubutijustgotoutofareallylongrelationshipanddontreallywantanotherrelationshipatallbutidoreallylikeyouandfiguredthatishouldsaysomething"
and she feels similar and neither of us are like all about like being with each other but we really enjoy each others company so were gonna keep hanging out and watching movies (and hopefully as i assume cuddling) and im really super excited and i feel really good right now
better than iv felt about myself in a long time
and she likes getting high and playing on photobooth as much as i do
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[21 Aug 2009|10:12am] |
i kinda feel like i may have hit rock bottom.
heather and i broke up. i had a feeling it was going to happen, she says she just isnt sexually attracted to men anymore. which considering all reasons to have someone you love break up with you is probably the one that hurts me least, in a way im happy for her, in a way.
i had gone over to her room to make her dinner, i had spagetti and a bottle of decent wine
we never ended up even starting to make the food
we talked for a good 4 hours about everything, like EVERYTHING. pretty much taking turns crying
then we started drinking the bottle of wine and pretty much sobbed together in each others arms telling each other we were sorry and that we loved each other (all though i guess in completely different ways) until we fell asleep
when we woke up i was the little spoon, its allways been my favorite and i layed there thinking about how, well kindof uncomfortable it was considering that we werent together anymore, but also fully aware that i was being held by someone i loved and that as soon as i stood up, she wasnt ever gonna hold me again
she woke up, we cried a little more and then i had to pick tobin up from the airport, i tucked her in and started walking for the door, i could hear her crying behind me but i just kept going
your broken hearted, recovering drug addict friend
mike
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[12 Aug 2009|11:17am] |
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last week in town
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[03 Aug 2009|02:34pm] |
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SHARK WEEK
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[31 Jul 2009|01:02am] |
i thought that seeing her would make everything okay with me again
but
i'm a nervous wreck
i just want her to please show some excitement about us being back in the same place
i feel like she doesn't even want to
:( allways scared
-Mike
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[21 Jul 2009|03:32pm] |
it's been a long time
summer has allways been a happy time for me, this summer has been one of internal struggle. chemicals, relationships, old friends, issues issues issues. I needed time to think, but i think i got too much time
im ready to go back to north carolina now
im ready to restart life
i've finally figured out what it means when they say you can never go home
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[16 Jun 2009|11:13pm] |
it's been ages since I have updated this
computer access hasn't really been available to me for some time now and plenty of awesome adventures and such have occurred since my last post but i wont take the time to spell them all out
i moved to Harpers Ferry, West Virginia for the summer. I live in a tent in the woods and work as a river guide
this is the most up to date picture of myself i have to offer
come hang out at my campsite
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